In over thirty-five years of providing coaching expertise I have been asked so many times to address or correct coaching that has gone “sour.” These are situations where something between the coach and the coachee went “haywire” or never got off the ground in the beginning.  And, try as hard as they each may it is almost impossible for the same two people (coach and coachee) to resurrect meaningful coaching after there’s been a breach.

Obviously, neither coach nor coachee wants to fail.  So, what happened? Well, it could have been any number of things.  However, here are four situations that more often than not lead directly to failed coaching.

Mandatory Coaching:  Knowing how timid many people are to voluntarily elect to be coached, senior management decrees that coaching be a part of the workplace culture.  Such declarations are well meant but more often than not meet with disastrous results.  It is difficult, if not impossible, to legislate development which is what mandatory coaching does.  Development to be most effective must be a natural and evolutionary process encouraged and supported by management, but never mandated or dictated. 

Assigned Coaches:  The same disastrous results holds true for a coaching situation in which an individual is arbitrarily assigned a coach for their personal development.  Seldom is the person being coached given any say in the assignment or whether they desire coaching or not. It is assumed that the recipient eagerly and gladly welcomes the coaching opportunity.  Or, at least, they should! Such an assumption is naïve and without merit.  It is more a formula for coaching rejection and rebellion rather than adherence and acceptance.  Coaching has a greater chance of success when the person being coached is actively involved in the selection of his or her coach.  The more included they are the choosing of their coach the greater the chance the coaching has of being successful.

Crossed Purposes:  Another formula for coaching disaster occurs when coaching purposes are at odds.  Crossed  purposes occur when there is mis-alignment of the reasons for the coaching. That is, the stated reasons for the coaching and the non-stated reasons are different.  As incredible as it may seem, it is not uncommon for the coach to be given a charter by senior leadership that is somewhat different from that which is told to the person being coached. Whenever there is such a mis-match, it is more likely than not to lead to a coaching failure.  People are smart and they “see through” that which isn’t authentic.  Therefore, to insure effectiveness in the coaching relationship it is imperative that there be no hidden agenda for the coaching.  The purposes must be open, honest and above board for all parties to see and hear.

Personality Differences: Likely, the most common reason for coach and coachee to disconnect is personality mis-alignment.  For coaching to be successful there must be a high degree of personal compatibility. If it is not there, the “glue” that bonds is missing.  Coaching depends on mutuality and the ability for two people to relate to each other.  If similar values, common understandings, and mutual regard are well aligned in both parties then there is a greater willingness to communicate and to accept more easily. And, it follows that there is a stronger common bond from which coaching can thrive. 

As shocking as it may be, these four obstacles to successful coaching are “alive and well” today as they have been in years’ past.  Persons who subscribe to these approaches likely mean well but lack a true understanding of human development.  They fail to recognize coaching as being an engaging, collaborative process driven by the desire of the person being coached, not by the authority of the coach. Further, they see coaching as something that’s done to the person, not something that’s done with the person. Coaching to be effective must be recognized as a helping relationship in which the coach continually must “earn the right to coach” before coaching can take place.

Gary Entwistle