It would have been easy for Tiger Woods to have backed off at the 2008 US Open. Almost everyone could have identified with him. He was after all in significant physical pain from playing 72 holes in regulation and 19 more in the playoff with a torn anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) in his left knee and a double stress fracture of his left tibia, the large bone in the lower leg. Had he lost that prestigious event it would also have been easy for Tiger to use his knee pain as an excuse. Might we have?

Likewise, it would have been easy for the young 23 year old kid from Baltimore with ADHD to have quit many times before. The bullying wasn’t fun. He must have hated having his over-sized ears flicked by guys twice his size. Having a couple of guys much larger than himself throw his favorite cap out the bus window was no cake walk. Who would have blamed that skinny kid from becoming angry and giving up on the cruel life which left him and his two sisters to be raised alone by their mother, Debbie. By all rights Michael Phelps should have been content with a life of stimulants and excuses. He should have joined the ranks of complicity. But as history will remember, Michael hasn’t used anything as an excuse.

For those who watched his performance in the 200 Meter Butterfly we became spellbound with yet another win from this amazing young man. The real amazement came, however, after the race began when we learned that shortly as the race began his goggles began to leak water. As he continued swimming they leaked worse and worse. Then, when with about 75 meters to go the goggles were completely filled. Michael was at that point essentially blind. His entire field of vision was blurry. He reported that the only way he knew where he was in the race was by counting his strokes. Again, who would have blamed Michael for losing the race.

But a person who wins eight consecutive Olympic gold medals doesn’t just learn to leave the excuses behind while at the Olympics. It was in his youth that Michael learned to leave the excuses behind. Being bullied in school or by other older swimmers could have provided ample excuse for mediocrity or worse. Somehow, he learned early that excuses simply wouldn’t do. Do you suppose his mother and coach had anything to do with it?

There are actually two types of excuses. External excuses are used to provide rationale to those around us for our poor performance. These are used in ample abundance. However, perhaps the more debilitating excuses are the internal excuses or rationalizations we tell ourselves. One might call these internal excuses or stories, our personal myths. Personal myth, is not as some might guess, a false or fairy tale belief. Rather personal myth is our understanding of reality put into the stories we tell ourselves. Rarely do we know that our reality is twisted. It is often not until we take a look at ourselves through the eyes of others that we even begin to understand our own reality. Hence the great value in having a caring mentor/coach.

Perhaps one of the most impressive parts of the Michael Phelps story is beyond his winning 8 gold medals. It is what he did with adversity. Time after time he has used adversity to spur him on to even greater performance. Even though we may be past the developmental mile posts of preadolescence, it is not too late to continue our personal life training. With the help of a trusted adviser we too can leave our excuses behind.

Here’s to Growth,

Tim

Have you ever found yourself arguing with a boss, co-worker, or relative, and can’t seem to come to agreement? What are the root causes of the disagreement? Whose fault is it? Why can’t we just get along? Well, the concept of Conflict Resolution is well researched and provides us some relief to this lifelong dilemma. It also helps us to catch more fish!!! Hmmmm…..let me explain.

Interpersonal conflicts occur when two or more parties are discussing a subject and they have incompatible styles, conversation goals, and/or personal opinions related to the facts of the issue. Conflict can be generated by differences in a specific factor, or compounded by all of these factors combined. So where does this lead us? It leads us to the notion that understanding these factors is critical when trying to resolve any conflict, including those with people or fish. I know, it’s pretty hard to have a conflict with a 22 inch German Brown trout, but hey…I’ve done it!!! She looks at me with those “please release me” eyes and I just crumble as always. Remember to consider Styles, Goals, and Opinions. This will help put you in a better position to resolve conflicts. Conflict resolution behaviors, according to Linda Putnam (PhD), occur in three common interpersonal styles noted below:

· Non-confrontational - Indirect strategies used for handling a conflict; chooses to avoid or withdraw from a disagreement; uses communicative behaviors such as silence, glossing over differences, and concealing ill feelings.

· Solution-Orientation - Direct communication about the conflict; behaviors that aim to find a solution to integrate the needs of both parties; and to give in or compromise on issues.

· Control - Direct communication about the disagreement; arguing persistently for one’s position; taking control of the interaction; and advocating one’s position.

If you believe your style is more Non-confrontational, and your boss is using the Control style, there is likely going to be some conflict generated just by the mere difference in style regardless of the content of the discussion. If both parties have the Control style, you can see how that conflict could escalate to blows. If both parties have the Non-confrontational style, then you will find the conflict will typically dissipate quickly with out resolution. Generally, Solution-orientation is the recommended style and approach for solving conflicts professionally. Conversational goals should be aligned with solving the conflict fairly (win-win), rather than displaying a “win-lose” attitude. Personal opinions are always present in a conversation, but the parties need to differentiate their opinions from the facts. Everyone knows a person (or two) who sincerely believes his/her opinion is fact… Knowing when to speak and when to listen is also a critical communication element. By understanding these components (Styles, Goals, and Opinions) and working to clearly define them during the discussion, people can find better success in resolving conflicts.

As we scoured the waters of the Madison River near Ennis, MT, for trophy Brown trout, we reflected on the critical factors of conflict resolution (Styles, Goals, and Opinions) and applied them to our fishing. What styles were we using to attract and catch these fish (dry fly Hopper on top or Copper John and Midge under an indicator)? Were our goals to catch little fish or big fish (using a 4 inch Sculpin pattern)? Did our opinions of the approach or environment come into play (wade vs. drift boat)? Overall, once we covered the basics in theory, we talked a lot about questions in resolving conflicts that are more in the grey area. What if the conflict is with a potential client or police officer? How do we adopt a Solution-orientation stance when we are in an emotional conflict with our children or parents? I’ll leave these answers untold here to protect the privacy of our members, but please understand that by confirming Styles, Goals, and Opinions as part of the discussion, people can definitely have a better chance of resolving conflict peacefully and professionally. As proof of the effective application to flyfishing, please see our photo gallery. We hope you can join us on future CPC flyfishing adventures.

Tight lines!!!

Tom Scambilis