We all have been hearing about Change during this political season, since Change is the platform from which our President-elect stood. We found more people in our country were interested in change than not. I doubt it is a broad leap to suggest that our nation’s desire is for positive rather than negative change. Having officially been around for ten years, we at the Center for Positive Change take great delight in the fact that Mr. Obama has supported our call for positive change.
How would you like to have the new President’s job? Even with the power of such an impressive office, one can get frustrated and fail miserably. Luckily, most of us have a much simpler job with creating positive change in our own lives rather than the world. How do we go about making positive changes rather than negative changes? I would like to provide you with just two considerations at this time.
One thing to consider is to make the undesirable desirable. Does doing the “right behavior” bring people pleasure? If not, how do you get people to do the things they hate, find boring, insulting, or painful? How do you get a teen to clean their VERY messy room? How do we get ourselves to walk past the chips and dip this Thanksgiving? If we could find a way to make healthy behavior intrinsically satisfying or an unhealthy behavior inherently undesirable, we will have tapped into self-modification.

One powerful tool to help people change their reaction to a previously neutral or noxious behavior is to create new experiences. When was the last time you purposely tried to learn a new behavior? We often dislike it because we have inadequate information to judge it appropriately. In fact, most people imagine what the new behavior will be like, and they are often wrong. We are just outright bad at figuring out what would make us happier. Most people believe a $25, 000 increase in annual income would elevate their happiness. They feel equally strong that a 30-minute walk each day would do little or nothing for them. Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D. found that a 30-minute walk was far more likely to produce happiness than the extra money. Research tells us that if most people try new behaviors, they will like them.

Another way to create positive experiences is to make the activity a game. Almost any unpleasant activity can be made pleasant if it involves reasonably challenging goals and clear, frequent feedback. Those elements can turn a chore into a game. As an example, we know that our nation’s teens are out of shape and that obesity is a new problem with the young. Steady exercise would help them immensely. Imagine how successful you would be trying to get a dozen of them to run back and forth on a field for a couple hours at a time. It would be good for them, right? Good luck! But take those same teens and give them something called a football. Now construct a goal at each end of the field. Now establish a competitive point system…you get it.

So during this great historical metamorphosis let’s make our changes positive rather than negative. Consider striving to make the undesirable desirable through intrinsic satisfaction and by making pain pleasurable. Create new experiences by encouraging people to try something new and then making the new behavior a game.

Here’s to Growth,

Tim

Have you ever found yourself arguing with a boss, co-worker, or relative, and can’t seem to come to agreement? What are the root causes of the disagreement? Whose fault is it? Why can’t we just get along? Well, the concept of Conflict Resolution is well researched and provides us some relief to this lifelong dilemma. It also helps us to catch more fish!!! Hmmmm…..let me explain.

Interpersonal conflicts occur when two or more parties are discussing a subject and they have incompatible styles, conversation goals, and/or personal opinions related to the facts of the issue. Conflict can be generated by differences in a specific factor, or compounded by all of these factors combined. So where does this lead us? It leads us to the notion that understanding these factors is critical when trying to resolve any conflict, including those with people or fish. I know, it’s pretty hard to have a conflict with a 22 inch German Brown trout, but hey…I’ve done it!!! She looks at me with those “please release me” eyes and I just crumble as always. Remember to consider Styles, Goals, and Opinions. This will help put you in a better position to resolve conflicts. Conflict resolution behaviors, according to Linda Putnam (PhD), occur in three common interpersonal styles noted below:

· Non-confrontational - Indirect strategies used for handling a conflict; chooses to avoid or withdraw from a disagreement; uses communicative behaviors such as silence, glossing over differences, and concealing ill feelings.

· Solution-Orientation - Direct communication about the conflict; behaviors that aim to find a solution to integrate the needs of both parties; and to give in or compromise on issues.

· Control - Direct communication about the disagreement; arguing persistently for one’s position; taking control of the interaction; and advocating one’s position.

If you believe your style is more Non-confrontational, and your boss is using the Control style, there is likely going to be some conflict generated just by the mere difference in style regardless of the content of the discussion. If both parties have the Control style, you can see how that conflict could escalate to blows. If both parties have the Non-confrontational style, then you will find the conflict will typically dissipate quickly with out resolution. Generally, Solution-orientation is the recommended style and approach for solving conflicts professionally. Conversational goals should be aligned with solving the conflict fairly (win-win), rather than displaying a “win-lose” attitude. Personal opinions are always present in a conversation, but the parties need to differentiate their opinions from the facts. Everyone knows a person (or two) who sincerely believes his/her opinion is fact… Knowing when to speak and when to listen is also a critical communication element. By understanding these components (Styles, Goals, and Opinions) and working to clearly define them during the discussion, people can find better success in resolving conflicts.

As we scoured the waters of the Madison River near Ennis, MT, for trophy Brown trout, we reflected on the critical factors of conflict resolution (Styles, Goals, and Opinions) and applied them to our fishing. What styles were we using to attract and catch these fish (dry fly Hopper on top or Copper John and Midge under an indicator)? Were our goals to catch little fish or big fish (using a 4 inch Sculpin pattern)? Did our opinions of the approach or environment come into play (wade vs. drift boat)? Overall, once we covered the basics in theory, we talked a lot about questions in resolving conflicts that are more in the grey area. What if the conflict is with a potential client or police officer? How do we adopt a Solution-orientation stance when we are in an emotional conflict with our children or parents? I’ll leave these answers untold here to protect the privacy of our members, but please understand that by confirming Styles, Goals, and Opinions as part of the discussion, people can definitely have a better chance of resolving conflict peacefully and professionally. As proof of the effective application to flyfishing, please see our photo gallery. We hope you can join us on future CPC flyfishing adventures.

Tight lines!!!

Tom Scambilis

If part of your role in life is to effect change then your simply must become familiar with the book Influencer (www.influencerbook.com). It is a must for anyone in the business of change – and of course that is most of us. As formal or informal change agents we come in contact all the time with negative or neutral behavior. The authors of Influencer suggest two powerful and ethical ways of helping humans change: creating new experiences and creating new motives. This blog will focus on the first approach while our next blog will focus on the second.

Contrary to popular opinion we usually prefer continuing with our behavior even if it is deemed negative. If we REALLY didn’t wish to maintain the behavior we would change. Yes we would like to get more exercise, stop smoking, or spend less time proofreading the legal brief. The fact is, we either don’t want to change bad enough or we don’t know how. Most of us come to the point that we don’t think that kind of change is possible. The challenge before the change agent is to help create new experiences. A smoker finds it hard to imagine a life without cigarettes and ends up thinking about are all those cravings. Cancer-cravings; cancer-cravings; …CANCER! People often have a difficult time imagining life without the negative behavior.

In order to create new experiences people must eventually try the new behavior. Most people are poor at predicting what would make them happier. When most do imagine the new behavior they make typical errors. They think the new behavior will actually be very much like the old behavior minus the fun. The fact is, however, if people actually try the new behavior they typically end up liking it.

One of the best ways of getting people to try a new behavior is to have them make a game out of it. After all, face it; some who actually do try the new behavior will simply not like it. Let’s say you are trying to get your computer-game-driven pre-teen to get more outdoors exercise. How successful will you be in getting him to run up and down a field for a hour or so? Yeah right. Even though you might be able to convince him that the exercise would improve his performance on the computer game, your chances are pretty slim of pulling this off. Now, however, place a goal cage at each end, a soccer ball in the middle, some umpires and several of his best friends, and the kid is flying. So much of what can be done to transform unpleasant behavior into enjoyable behavior is to turn it into a game.

Ok, so let’s get personal. The common cry of corporate and professional types is that my work forces me to be imbalanced. However, much of life/work imbalance occurs because of the attainment of personal goals, that is, I am a better person for over working. The imbalanced worker is often also striving for the next level of achievement. How might we make life/work balance a game? What is your experience?

Here’s to Growth,

Tim

So the question continues, how do we make positive change in our life?  Have you ever noticed that most of us are more interested in creating change in others than ourselves? We would like to suggest at this point that may want to get a bit self-centered at this point in our discussion.  Isn’t it amazing how many people around us need changing? However, for now let’s just focus on our own “missing pieces”. Discussion regarding change theory tends to focus on either changing our behavior or our inner dynamics. Some people prefer the gardening metaphor.  When weeds sprout up do we use the weed-eater to whack the pesky stems to the ground or dig up the root system? Of course fans of the chemical Roundup have a third option.

In a discussion about changing our own behavior, we would like to suggest the very first thing one needs to do is observe vital behavior. There are plenty of behaviors but many are not vital to living a productive life. It is our experience that most of us really do not see our own behaviors with clarity. After all, when someone gets upset isn’t it usually due to their need for anger management? They simply don’t understand us. The converse is also true. When we get upset with someone, it is because they have issues. While most of us believe we know how we come across with others, experience has taught us that the average person is in fact quite clueless. Most would agree that we all have blind spots – but that many? What is your experience?

 Here’s to Growth,Tim

We all have behaviors which get in our way. That of course is the human condition. The question for many people is – how do we change non-productive behaviors into positive behaviors? Just how do we achieve positive change?

Transforming inefficient, non-productive, and even destructive behavior into positive, forward action performance is what The Center for Positive Change is about. Before I began working on my Ph.D. in psychology I remember wondering if it was more effective for change to come from outward modification of behavior or from the core of our inner being. Since the answer to that question would make a difference where I would do my graduate work I felt I needed an answer. Should I study behaviorism or psychodynamic theory?

We would love to know what your experience has been. How do you go about making personal and/or professional change? We are not as interested in hearing from differing schools of thought as much as hearing about your practical experiences. Let’s be pragmatic for awhile. How do you successfully make positive change in your life?

Here’s to Growth,

Tim